Church Hurt Can Be Healed


This past Tuesday night after a church dinner a friend invited me to, I heard a sermon titled “Church Hurt.” The minister, using pseudonyms, shared real-life examples of individuals who were abused by clergy and congregation members. It reminded me of this quote from Brennan Manning: “The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” 

On her website, a Christian therapist named Dr. Alison Cook listed these examples of church hurt:

  • A single mom whose church promised to stand by her, then disappeared after she got a divorce from her abusive husband
  • A kind-hearted woman who was told that she would “burn in hell” if she made friends with the “wrong” kind of people
  • A young couple forced out of their church after they stood up to a narcissistic pastor
  • A man who opened up about his struggles only to be told his depression meant he lacked real faith

When evangelizing, I occasionally encounter individuals who oppose the gospel and/or church attendance due to mistreatment by Christians. I can relate to some of the things they went through. As a boy, I attended a Lutheran church that gave me wrong perceptions of Christianity. That was partially due to fellow Sunday School students and confirmation classmates that acted ugly toward me. Back then, I knew Christians were supposed to love each other. All I noticed was hypocrisy.


Since I recommitted my life to the Lord in 1991, I’ve encountered both ministers and laypeople who have wronged me, such as failing to fulfill promises. One thing I’ve learned is “…we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12) People sometimes have what Jesse Duplantis calls “A Fit of Carnality.”


Problems develop when people get their eyes on man instead of Jesus. That’s what prompts some of them to run away from God and/or avoid gathering with His people. If you’re served a terrible meal at a restaurant, do you stop eating? No, you dine someplace else. Likewise, if one goes to a fellowship where trust violations occurred, one should seek the Lord about attending a different church and forgiving the offenders. Holding onto resentment only makes things worse.


Yesterday, during an outreach near the Oceanfront in Virginia Beach, my team engaged in a lengthy discussion with a man who had been raised Pentecostal but had left Christianity due to unanswered questions and criticism from his church. I once asked my Lutheran pastor how dinosaurs fit in the Bible if they supposedly existed millions of years ago. He didn’t give me a satisfactory answer. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” It’s not wrong to ask God questions, but we should never question God.


So if you have been hurt by church folk, I encourage you to look unto Jesus. Hebrews 12:2 says He is “…the author and finisher of our faith.” We should also remember that there is no such thing as a perfect church. If there was, it would no longer be perfect once you walk into it. God uses imperfect people to carry out His perfect plans.


“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” - Psalm 147:3

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